Attention all single people who are dating: Back away from saying Yes to the date unless you have your “Deal Breaker List in your pocket.” Why are deal breakers important? You are a target for all sorts of dysfunctional codependent relationships if you do not know when to say, “Thank you for dinner but I don’t think this will work for me.”
If he/she is a smoker and you do not like cigarette smells and tastes then stop right there. Don’t be like Sherry who noticed John’s teeth were yellow from smoking but thought, “maybe I can get him to use Crest White Strips and convince him to stop smoking.” So they kept dating and John showed no interest in the white strips or stopping smoking.
Jim enjoyed his date with Cathy until she pulled out her phone and laid it by her plate and checked every text that came in. Her eyes were down more than up. John thought maybe this was unusual for Cathy to be so connected to her phone, so he planned another date. Cathy did the same thing on date #2. If Jim has “glued to technology” as one of his deal breakers this would be the last date.
Lindsey was a traveler and enjoyed seeing the world. Randy had never left Oklahoma. He could not feel any of that excited energy that spilled out of Lindsey when she talked about some of her adventures. Randy was a home body and travel was not his passion. If Lindsey has “no interest in travel” on her deal breaker list she will not continue dating Randy.
See how this works? Its simple, really. If people know the difference in what they will not tolerate vs what might be a bit annoying at times but not that big of a deal, there would probably be less marital and relationship stress and possibly lower the high divorce rates.
So what could go on a deal breaker list? *One sided conversation — If he/she does not show an interest in you, if its all about them….deal breaker. *Alcohol –You do not want to be with someone who cannot drink socially, if too many drinks on first date…..deal breaker. *Phone — If your date cannot separate from their phone during dinner……deal breaker. *Children — You want them, he doesn’t……Big deal breaker. *Children — You have raised your children and want to be free of that responsibility, she has young children at home…..deal breaker. *Religion — You attend church regularly and want to be with someone who also values that commitment, he is not sure of his religious beliefs calling himself an agnostic……deal breaker.
Remember the idea behind deal breakers is not to be so desperate that you settle for someone that may not be a good fit. It can be dangerous and overwhelming not to have deal breakers. So if you are out there dating and have not written down your deal breakers……back away, get paper and pencil…..start writing!!!