Q. I am struggling with changes that are occurring in my life and the lives of my friends. I know that change can be good, but getting out of my current thoughts is really hard. How can I be more accepting of change?
A. As I sit in a coffee shop in San Francisco I am also thinking about change. It is one of those inevitable realities of life, like it or not. We can get stuck in “not so good” places but drag our feet doing anything about it. We can continue to engage in the same behaviors but hope with every breath we take that “things will change” and we can play out this scenario for years.
People fall in love, change jobs, move to another city, have babies, get divorced, get sick, get promotions………..life is ever changing. The ability to roll with it can create stumbling blocks or it can create movement.
When change occurs it takes time to process it. You should not expect to get unexpected news and accept it immediately. Take some time to breathe. When we are feeling emotional it is difficult to kick in our thinking brain and make a plan.
My daughter has a friend who thought she was settled in her dream home with her husband and pets only to learn that her husband lost his job and could only find one in another state. She now has to leave her family and relocate. She is trying to accept the change.
Cyndi was believing that she would never experience love, had given up, ready to join a dating site when she saw someone from her past on Facebook. He had actually been her first husband whom she had not seen for over 30 years. They began texting, emailing, talking, dating and married on New Year’s Day.
Joan finally got her much desired promotion. She went from a 40 hour work week to almost 55 with her new salaried position. She did not have as much time to spend with her friends, go to the gym and she was putting on weight. Good change or bad?
Susie was involved in a personal/business relationship that did not progress as she had hoped. When she learned her partner was really only interested in the business part of their “relationship” she was hurt. What she later learned was the ending of this relationship was the beginning of new possibilities.
Sometimes we are slow to realize the possibilities that change creates for us, it isn’t always negative.Sometimes we create change and sometimes it is created for us.
When writing your life script, grab a pencil, its easier to erase than ink.
Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City
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