Q. My boyfriend and I broke up after one year together. We just couldn’t make it work. I wanted him to read The Five Love Languages and he showed no interest. I tried to talk to him about how we loved differently and he thought I was losing it. We learn differently and we love differently. Do you think I am losing it?
—- Jessica
A. You are absolutely not losing it! It has been proven that one size does not fit all when it comes to learning. It was once assumed that every student sitting in the classroom learned by listening. These were the auditory learners. Then there were the students who needed to write notes so they could read them later, a safeguard not to forget what the teacher said. What about the students who learned by watching demonstrations. If they saw it, they learned it. The kinesthetic style takes place by the students carrying out physical activities; they are the “do-ers.”
The conflict in the classroom occurred when it was believed that only one style of teaching would occur, with some variations, and all students would become proficient in the knowledge or skill.
Lets look at what happens to love when the “one size fits all” format is utilized.
Tim and Angela also found The Five Love Languages and said it helped them save their troubled marriage. They had been trying to tell each other what they needed and how they felt loved but it never came out right and usually left them frustrated or angry or both. What they learned from the book was the following:
Tim believed the things he did for Angela (acts of service) showed his love for her. When he mowed the lawn and it looked so nice and beautiful, when he took Angela’s car and had the oil changed, etc, for Tim these were acts of love.
Angela gave Tim gifts. She would get excited when she found his favorite color in a new shirt, bought him a new pair of slippers that he said he wanted or something for the house that she thought he would like. This was her primary love language.
After reading the book and talking at length, Tim said he felt loved when Angela would use kind, complementary words (words of affirmation) to acknowledge his behavior. He also felt loved by physical touch.
Angela felt loved by spending time together (quality time), She also enjoyed physical touch when she wasn’t mad at Tim.
Discussing how we like to be loved by our significant other is a number one priority. If you are not aware of your love language, it is time to learn.